I Want to Ride!

:D I finally hit the point where I'm not dreading my next lesson! In fact, for the past couple days I've been looking forward to it!

Two things changed:

1) I seem, for the moment at least, to no longer be afraid of mounting. No lie, the dread leading up to the first two lessons was almost entirely centered on "Oh god I'm going to have to mount the horse what if the girth is too loose and the saddle slides down and I fall and I hate it when that happens D: D: D:"

2) Riding became more than just a "Get me out of the house because I am lol depressed" activity. I actively enjoyed my last lesson.

People look at me funny when I mention that I do a lot of things outside the house that I don't actually enjoy. It's hard to explain that it's not because I dislike doing them, it's because I'd much rather be sleeping/in bed/sleeping in bed than being out of the house. I'm fairly good at discerning between my dread coming from hating an activity and my dread coming from my brain being wired funny.

And right now, riding is fun enough that I want to ride right now.

No Control

I have this thing where I don't like not having control. Which manifests itself in weird ways in most areas, since I also don't like making decisions that involve more than just me. But when it comes to moving, be it in a vehicle or not, I like to be in control of how darn fast I go.

NEEDLESS TO SAY I am a bit apprehensive about this lesson coming up. I've already established that I can get up on the horse without falling off. And that I can get off even if I don't think my ankles work anymore.

But it's okay! Because I found something new to fret about, and that is lunging! Instructor-man was like "blah blah blah on the lunge line next time so you can work on balance instead of steering blah blah blah".

Oh my god I am going to die. D: D: D: I mean, I'm confident that I'm going to fall off or do something stupid and fall off or, I don't know. THERE WILL BE TROTTING. I AM NOT BUILT FOR TROTTING. I either jounce like a... a something that jounces all over the place wildly out of control, or I post for two whole steps before my legs go "lol NO" and give out.

THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA.